18th 心情報告

最近我的心情真的很沈重， 我現在開始有一點後悔爲什麽我會遇到他。明明我們連見面都沒有見過。我真的搞不懂爲什麽我那麽在意你。我昨天睡之前決定我會用其他事情去忘記你，我好希望把自己藏在繁忙之中, 可以忘記自己的感覺。 但是今天我爲什麽要去看你的facebook, 要看你剛剛改了你的relationship status, 我的心變得很痛。什麽叫做 “我不想找任何人” “我應該對他沒有感覺”我現在真的很恨你， 但是我是你的誰，我有什麽資格去說不。明明喜歡你但是我竟然沒有跟你講讓我很後悔，我想這次是我第一次這樣想。功課跟身邊的所有事都讓我感到很辛苦。我怕我很快會崩潰了。

今天給自己的分數是， 20% 爛死了

17th Report

It has been almost 6 months since i wrote my last report. I never thought i would open this blog again, but there is just so much in my heart and mind right now that i want to share. Today has not been the best day for me. Although my presentation went well and nothing wrong really goes on. I just felt i was in a bad mood. I have a feeling Mike, Joeie and Viko are trying to exclude me. It is like there is something about me that they don't like. It doesn't matter. to me now, friends are nothing more than people who might betray you anytime they feel like. I feel like i can not trust anyone now. I want to trust alot of people. Frankie, Eddy, Johnny and etc but I feel like they are rejecting me. No matter what they say now feels so fake to me. perhaps i am already not the people person that I thought i was 5 years ago. Kind of struggling with my inner self on should i remain forgiving or perhaps just change to a cold hearted person. I am wondering lately perhaps i should stay away from eric, I don't want to agrue or be distance from him. Lately i am getting to close with him. When i get too close with someone, they alway interfere. Right now i am wondering perhaps i am born to be an alone person. I am happy with that. I don't feel sad about that. Atleast i helped people find someone they can rely on. I am happy, i am honored. there is nothing sad about being alone. The only thing that is sad is that when a person pity themselves for being alone. I don't.

the mark i give myself today is 45%

16th Report

Today, I am struggled by the same question that i have been asking myself for the last few days. Should I take mandarin for the summer seminster or not. It will be easy credit and i will be able to pass my probation but.... it is truly a struggle. Lately, for some reason, I feel dislike by everyone. I wonder is it because of midterm or if everyone's friendship is separating? Although I will admit I feel a little bit sad and lonely but because of the last few weeks without much conversation with everyone, I started thinking "Is this the friendship that i wanted?" I admit that I had alot of fun in the process however, something just doesn't feel too right. For some reason, no matter who I hang out with, I still can't not find the kind of feeling that i used to felt when I hang out with Jose, Yvonne, Dave, Alan, Joseph and Grace. When we used to hang out together, that feeling is so stress free, so easy, it is like there is only a white area in the circle. We didn't have to waste time and energy to think of anything else. It is like even if 天掉下来也没有事的感觉。今天给自己的分数是。。。。。68%

15th Report

Without my realization, I have not wrote my emotion Report for three days. Perhaps lately I really don't have the mood to write anythign for alot of thing around me seem like it is really boring and stupid lately. what people thinks, what people say, what people do, to me lately, some of their actions seem really stupid and i am so sick of it. Do they really think that I am pathetic just because i don't say anything or perhaps i am getting more self centered, cocky and impatient? I should really watch my temper lately. I know to some people i sound kind of cocky lately so therefore i will change myself for the better good... Today I will give myself 40% becuz of my bad temper

13th and 14th Report

Although ppl say there is a good day after the bad day but i have bad bad day tagging from one to another. Yesterday ( although i really kind of don't remember much) I went to pick up Claudia and she keep on complaining about this and tat. today when i thought i will have a better day, I went to try and fill up the gas, My mastercard was decline ( Freaken hell) and then when i was trying to use my Debit card. I just realize my Debit card was expired ( WHY THE FREAKEN HELL WOULD THEY PUT AN EXPIREY DATE ON A FREAKEN DEBIT CARD) and I had no money with me and then Alan tell me that my car is leaking( could my day get anyworst other than me die or something like that). Soooo Today's score will be 35% (TOO UNLUCKY AND FREAKEN PISS OFF) and yesterday was 45%.

9-12th Report

ok I know I am cheating on this but oh well. I am combining thursday till today's report together. On Thursday, i had a terrible headache and claudia is still liking blabbing at me which made my head hurts even more. On Friday, I went to Hana's dinner, apparently it wasn't really much of a party since it was pretty screw up by her security and they left for dinner without telling me and daniel so we went ot maji to eat and I chat with eddie till 4 in the morning on really stupid stuff. On saturday, me and Achim was chatting about medical stuff which was entirely weird lol and today. well as alway, Claudia keep blabbing beside my ears. Eddy called me in the morning and was in a way i think he is inching at me for forget that i ask him to dinner on friday. =-= man ppl are really giving me a headache lately. If they are so unsatisfied with what I do, why don't they do it themselves? the overall mark I will give myself for the last 4 days is.... 47%

8th Report

Today have been a marvalous day. At noon, i met a new net friend name eddie. He is extremely hilarious, i was laughing my head off lol. when i came back home Claudia told me that we were eatting hot pot! SUPER LUCKY( all the beef, pork, veggie and etc... YUMMY) .Although Johnny, Wenny and Robby came over and eat and I didn't eat that much, but the hot pot was extremely delicious. Afterwards, I was in a way helping and disturbing Eddie from doing his hw (lol sorry eddie). Today I will give myself 80%!!!! I need to eat more next time heeheehee