18th 心情報告

最近我的心情真的很沈重， 我現在開始有一點後悔爲什麽我會遇到他。明明我們連見面都沒有見過。我真的搞不懂爲什麽我那麽在意你。我昨天睡之前決定我會用其他事情去忘記你，我好希望把自己藏在繁忙之中, 可以忘記自己的感覺。 但是今天我爲什麽要去看你的facebook, 要看你剛剛改了你的relationship status, 我的心變得很痛。什麽叫做 “我不想找任何人” “我應該對他沒有感覺”我現在真的很恨你， 但是我是你的誰，我有什麽資格去說不。明明喜歡你但是我竟然沒有跟你講讓我很後悔，我想這次是我第一次這樣想。功課跟身邊的所有事都讓我感到很辛苦。我怕我很快會崩潰了。

今天給自己的分數是， 20% 爛死了

17th Report

It has been almost 6 months since i wrote my last report. I never thought i would open this blog again, but there is just so much in my heart and mind right now that i want to share. Today has not been the best day for me. Although my presentation went well and nothing wrong really goes on. I just felt i was in a bad mood. I have a feeling Mike, Joeie and Viko are trying to exclude me. It is like there is something about me that they don't like. It doesn't matter. to me now, friends are nothing more than people who might betray you anytime they feel like. I feel like i can not trust anyone now. I want to trust alot of people. Frankie, Eddy, Johnny and etc but I feel like they are rejecting me. No matter what they say now feels so fake to me. perhaps i am already not the people person that I thought i was 5 years ago. Kind of struggling with my inner self on should i remain forgiving or perhaps just change to a cold hearted person. I am wondering lately perhaps i should stay away from eric, I don't want to agrue or be distance from him. Lately i am getting to close with him. When i get too close with someone, they alway interfere. Right now i am wondering perhaps i am born to be an alone person. I am happy with that. I don't feel sad about that. Atleast i helped people find someone they can rely on. I am happy, i am honored. there is nothing sad about being alone. The only thing that is sad is that when a person pity themselves for being alone. I don't.

the mark i give myself today is 45%